This experience with cancer is by far the most horrific encounter I've ever gone through in my entire life. Be that as it may, I've realized that it's only by the Grace of God that I'm able to view it as both a life altering lesson and a bountiful blessing.
After the biopsy and diagnosis in January, and having received the results of the first PET scan in early February, I could neither understand nor accept the finding that I had cancerous cells in my brain, 90% of my bone marrow, lymph nodes, lungs, liver, gastrointestinal tract, both kidneys, urinary bladder, and various other organs, bones and muscles throughout the body. Were it not for the love and support of my family, the prayers of people, some of whom I didn't even know, and ultimately the Mercy and Grace of God I know that I could not have withstood the onslaught of fear, anticipation of death, disgust, anger, guilt, and other negative responses that accompanied this overwhelming disclosure of my health condition.
Now you already know that the first question I asked God was "Why", and I was somewhat surprised by the answer I received which was... "Because I Can and I Do Allow things like this to happen". The answer to my second question was also unexpected. "Why me" I asked and the answer was..."Because I love you and I Know that you can deal with whatever I Allow to Happen to you". However, the answer to the third question, "What am I supposed to do now", put everything in perspective. That answer was..."I Want you to share your experience with others." With that in mind, allow me to share the gist of this experience with you.
After the initial pet scan of February 5th, with cancer cells present throughout my entire body, the second pet scan on March 17th showed cancer present only in the left chest wall. Then, about two weeks ago on May 5th, the third pet scan showed no cancer...nowhere. WHAT....ARE YOU SERIOUS...PRAISE GOD was the only response I could muster.
I still antagonize over what now and where do I go from here, but of one thing I'm sure...I have a purpose in life...I have a reason for being here. That reason and purpose being the same as it is for all of you and everybody and everything else that exists in this universe...to share the benefits of our experiences with others.
The lesson I'm learning from this encounter with cancer is that at times I become rather lax and complacent in different areas of my life, and try and convince myself that I got it going on and that all is well. But I know in my heart of hearts that I can do better. This happens for all of us and it reaches a point where our Creator allows a wake up call to become manifest. For me, this last one seems a bit exaggerated, but then who am I to judge what and how much it takes to move me to the next level. As for the blessing(s), even though I'm still experiencing a lack of energy and other uncomfortable symptoms, I know it's due to the chemo and am so overjoyed that there's only one more treatment to go. The blood work results and my own body consciousness show that I'm physically healthier than I've been in 30 years. I have a brand new zest for life that surpasses any I've ever experienced, and now Thank God, I know me...I'm finally aware of who I truly am.
I love all of ya'll. I love what is happening in my life and I love being given the opportunity to share it with you. What I'm learning from all of this is that no matter what seemingly horrific thing might occur in our lives, we should take time out to listen to what's called that still small voice. Then we can tie a knot in the end of the proverbial rope and hold on, knowing that it's gonna get greater later.
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