If You're White...

I never understood white folks, and having lumped all of you in a category based on what I deemed as a collective inhumane treatment of people of color, I could never bring myself to being comfortable liking any of you. Now there were exceptions of course, like Ms. Kessell at Crane Jr. College, who initiated my getting a scholarship to a predominately white college where I met another exception named Zack, who knew where to get the good weed. There were others as well, at the jobs I held from graduation up until the time spent in Seminary in New York. Keep in mind however, that my attachment to pigment challenged individuals was still restricted by an undeniable lack of trust, fueled by an inability to fully comprehend what it was about me that might coerce some of you into desiring to be my friend.

Well, time should and does bring about a change, and although the trust factor is still compromised, and complete comprehension of some white folks’ motives are still challenged, I am exercising an open-mindedness that allows me to look at everyone as a human being first and then allowing our subsequent interactions to determine what role race plays in our relationship. It’s been working well thus far, and although I hesitate to assert that ‘some of my best friends are white’, I can honestly say that my knowledge of and appreciation for ‘you people’ has been noticeably intensified.

I’m not being pretentious about my newfound desire to purposefully interact with people of a different persuasion, because what had happened was that some of the white seminarians I shared time with in New York literally expressed that they wanted to know what made black folk do what black folk do. In turn, my African advisor at the Seminary Consortium for Urban Pastoral Education in Chicago, who I informed that North Park seemed too white oriented for me to pursue a masters degree there, told me that I needed to go so that I could teach them about us while I learned more about them. Then there was the move to Long Beach, California and an assignment in Irvine, California that convinced me that it was for the benefit of all that I get in y’all grill(face).

Me and my wife Nicole are on a plane from Paris right now and if I gained nothing else while there, I have been assured that my intent to better understand others is precipitated by an internal drive to better understand myself. Our trip to France was a collaboration of the ‘Black Earth Ensemble’ from Chicago and the ‘Laborintus Contemporary Ensemble’ of Paris. The intent was to mesh the cultural aesthetics of  a group of African descent, with those of a group of Caucasion lineage, through a musical interaction. The two groups practiced together for two full days and culminated their labor with a melodious presentation that tore the roof off the concert hall, leaving the audience in a state of total admiration and appreciation. After having conversed with both the French and African American musicians, as well as some of the patrons, I now return to my native land with the feeling that somebody beside myself had been challenged to see others in a different light and to appreciate that difference while recognizing our alikeness at the same time.

Racism is an invention of those seeking to control by division and distraction. As long as we seek what the other has, and spend our time keeping others away from what we think is ours, then our eyes are off the prize of freedom and fairness for all.  Well I’m black and right now I refuse to go back. If you’re white…what you gon do?

I'll Holla...


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Stay Outta My Grill

In the movie 'Friday', Chris Tucker's character 'Smokey' talks to a 'blind date' on the phone who claims she looks like Janet Jackson. After having met her in person, he concludes that she looks more like the male singer Freddie Jackson, and tells her that right now he has an errand to run. She requests that he call her later on, and "Smokey' responds as follows: "...If you come by, I won't call you. Don't ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever come by here, ok?

At a meeting last week I asked other staff members if I might visit their respective venues later on to take photos, and it was suggested that I not visit but allow them to email the pictures to me. Now I don't think that my appearance appalled anyone, but what I suspect is that at least since the movie Friday’s production in 1995, we as a society have unawaringly allowed technology to compromise our humanity.

With the advent of the telephone we were able to call those who weren’t in close proximity, but we did periodically visit those who were. Like ‘Smokey’, we sometimes preferred to converse from a distance, but  there was a verbal interaction that allowed us to at least hear the voice of who it was we were talking to.

What we have now, with the subjugation of texts, email, Facebook and Twitter, is a cold, unfeeling connection with others whose countenance and sensibilities we are totally unaware of because we can’t see or even hear who it is we’re communicating with.

My young nephew, when asked why he preferred to text rather than call, very honestly proclaimed that when he texted he didn’t have to answer questions. No desire for accountability ya’ll, that’s what’s happening to us. The fact of the matter is that we are here to love and support one another. Even if we don’t especially like each other, our ultimate survival is predicated on our ability to amicably coexist. Our tendency toward machine like behavior is leading us toward a cold-hearted and non-compassionate consciousness that causes us to maintain that unless I need or want something from you, “Stay outta my grill (face)”.

What we gon do? I’m going to continue, cordially of course, getting in people’s grill (which is a synonym for face), and taking their pictures even if I don’t have a camera. You see I want to know that people, especially those that directly affect my life, are well. My intent is to fortify whatever ties I have with others because whether we want it or not, at some point we’re going to need another and since we don’t know who or when that might be, it is in our best interest to treat everyone like we want to be treated. 

Now there is certainly no need to cease using the technology we have available to us, and there will be times when it’s in another’s best interest that they don’t see or hear from us at certain times. I implore all of us to take the opportunity, whenever we can and no matter how brief, to use our eyes, ears, and actual voices to interact with another so that the warm, human energy that ensues will bless the entire universe in ways we never imagined. 

Kindness and concern works ya’ll, and it benefits us all to work from those perspectives.

I’ll holla… 

To comment or respond please click on the word comments at the bottom of this page, or email me at grace.calvin187@gmail.com

Bring It

Since the beginning of time, man’s inhumanity to man has been off the chain. In the bible you’re got the world’s first son and you kill your own brother cause he’s got more game than you do. Then you got Jacob, who with the help of his momma, steals his twin brother’s inheritance. Then there’s Joseph’s brothers, who throw him in a pit and leave him for dead. Now all of this is in the first book.

We fast forward to the second world war and you got Jewish folk being thrown into gas chambers in Germany, while people of Japanese ancestry are being uprooted and placed in internment camps in the United States.

Since the beginning of time, men and women have brought the plight of their condition to the light, via word and music, and I’m sure that biblical, Jewish, and Japanese, and other communicators will continue to express their displeasure and anger at what they’re going through. Now I’m not going to dwell on the deaths, suffering and inequity still being experienced by black folk, but allow me, if you will, to bring what we feel from an African American neighborhood.

Sojourner Truth once remarked “I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother’s grief, none but Jesus heard me”. Ralph Ellison and countless others have eloquently and adamantly expressed our discontent with the way black folk are treated, yet still today many of us feel as he did when he communicated in the prologue of the ‘Invisible Man’, “I am invisible, understand, simply because people refuse to see me”. 

Countee Cullen may not have fully understood his Divine Commission when he said “I doubt not God is good, well meaning, kind…Yet do I marvel at this curious thing:To make a poet black, and bid him sing”, yet he continued, through his poetry, to sing. You see there is something inherent in all of us, and visible in a lot of us that reflect our Maya Angelouian response to adversity, “Still I’ll rise”.

The key to resolving this rampant inhumanity that yet exists, is for all of us to bring it. We all got to bring our voices but also our ears. Most importantly…we got to bring intent and constant commitment to being of one accord. Of course we have our differences, but if we’re able to share them equitably, and people are willing to hear what we have to say, our oneness will become manifest, and we’ll be amazed at the blessings that ensue. We can do this y’all. We can put a lid on this mess, by simply listening and doing for another, that which we desire for ourselves. 

I’ll holla…


To comment or respond please click on the word comments at the bottom of this page, or email me at grace.calvin187@gmail.com

We're All Experts Ya'll

Upon entering Lake Forest College as an English major, one of my first assignments was to write an essay on the Herman Melville novel entitled ‘Moby Dick’. I titled the discourse ‘Moby Dick And Its Relevance To The Black Community,' and likened the large white mammal to the great old U S of A, while rendering Captain Ahab as the maligned yet formidable Black American population. The professor,  graded the paper with a big red ‘F'. He commented that my analogy was totally out of context, and remarked that it had nothing to do with Mr. Melville’s literary intent. My disagreement notwithstanding, I had to concede that the professor, regardless of his aesthetic leanings, was correct in his assessment simply because he was recognized and accepted as an expert in the literary arena. 

A number of highly unproductive years later, I signed up for and passed a skilled trades apprenticeship test. After having registered for training, my initial class was ‘Tools and Equipment’. At the onset I developed a sense of racial inadequacy, because most of my Caucasian counterparts were well aware of the utilization of the material being discussed. I knew a little somethin somethin about hammers, screwdrivers and the like, but on the other hand, the tools and equipment being  presented yielded nothing to me but a total blur.

Getting back to the Moby Dick experience, it did coerce me into changing my major to Sociology and Anthropology, for which I am eternally grateful. It was a fellow apprentice that put my intellectual discomfort in perspective however, when he inadvertently shared that beginning at the age of seven, he had worked for several years with his father building garages. What an epiphany! Of course he was more familiar with impact wrenches, tig welders, and the like because an extended exposure to anything can create at least an unconscious assimilation of knowledge. And if you like, or feel obligated to learn more about what it is that you’re exposed to, then the sky’s the limit.

What about you? Ever been in a situation where the other person seems to be such an authority on a particular subject, that you envision yourself as an idiot. Well don’t be dismayed. The only difference between you and them is exposure, experience and possible dedication to whatever it is that they’re discussing. By the same token, you know about some stuff that they’ve never even thought about. From designer clothes to luxury cars, from professional sports to video games, hopscotch to double dutch, rocket science to quantum physics, we all got some information to give to another that they might not already have.

My suggestion is that we all garner as much expertise as we can, on whatever it is that we have a passion or preference for. Let’s then be humble enough to graciously share this knowledge in a non-condescending manner, and be open-minded enough to listen to and at least consider the input of another. After all, there are no big I’s and little you’s, there’s only the one ‘WE’ looking to survive and to thrive.

There’s a vast universe out there ya’ll, and it contains an infinitely unfathomable amount of knowledge, and no one of us will ever acquire it all. However, if each of us becomes willing to share what expertise we do have, and to accept that which another is willing to give, we can all leave our every interaction with more than what we came. After all, no matter how we choose to look at it,  it’s ultimately all about us.

I’ll holla…

To comment or respond please click on the word comments at the bottom of this page, or email me at grace.calvin187@gmail.com

Trying To Be Where We Are

I don't do New Year resolutions any more because I only employ them for a couple of days. The intentions are all very good of course, but the follow up is extremely lacking.  Why is that? Well my contention is that it's like going on a diet. You feel, subconsciously mind you, as if you're going to have to go without, that something is going to be taken away.

One resolution I recall was the promise to exercise more. In retrospect, the thing that I inadvertently felt was being taken away was my precious time. I felt justified in believing that there were a lot more enjoyable things to do with my time other than grunting, sweating, and straining to attain a muscular body. Besides that it was winter time. Why not pick it up in the spring and be ready for the summer when there'll be a better opportunity for others to look at me and have some degree of awe and appreciation for all the work I've put in. As you already know, that particular resolution, after about January 10th of that year,  didn't receive further consideration until the following New Year.

What's the solution. For me it's all about perspective and attitude. Referring back to the diet analogy, the key is not to think of what we do as a temporary occurrence, but to see it as a life altering opportunity. A diet should not be a weight loss endeavor but a food transition. As for my muscle building strategy, it should have been viewed as the beginning of a continuum of health and vitality, rather than an attempt to get the coveted attention of others. Whatever the case, resolutions are important components in our attempts to do or be better, and the key is to look at them from a standpoint of saying "I'm doing this until" and not setting a specific, possibly unattainable goal.

Yesterday I asked myself and a couple of family members the question "Why are you here?" My personal response was, "To be of service to others." My wife Nicole replied, "To attain self-realization through playing music and having relationship with others." My mother Madeline responded with, "Because I have something to do." My big sister Pat answered with, "To be all that I can be." The question was a spur of the moment inquiry and allowed no time for contemplative assessment. Because of that, the responses were spontaneous, and if you'll notice none of them contained or even implied a time restraint. Each and every response was comprised of starting now and going on until.

I'm sure you all would have answered that question "Why are you here?", in pretty much the same manner that my family members and myself did, and I'm positive that we are all optimally efficient when we are not constrained by time and/or worried about doing stuff right. We are all here because we want to help. We all want to know who we are, so that we can be all that we can be, in order to figure out what it is we have to do. It's a process ya'll, it's all about trial and error, and right now, we're exactly where we're supposed to be. Discomfort is the motivator here, and a birthday and the first day of the year are the ultimate catalysts for reminding us it's time to make a change, a time to do things a little differently.

The New Year is upon us, and of course our desire is to be better than before. We make resolutions with sincere intent because that's where we are on January 1st of any year. Days or weeks later we're beating up on ourselves because we haven't kept the promise we seemingly made just moments ago. What's wrong with us...nothing. We're simply being all that we can be at the time we're being it. What we can do is accept that and either don't make promises we can't keep, or don't be alarmed or upset if we can't keep the promises we made. No one of us is here to change the world,  but each of us is here to facilitate a change in ourselves if need be, so that the entire universe can benefit in our collaborative  process.

The focus should be on the effort ya'll, not the outcome. It's all about continuing to do what we do, as best we can with what we've got, and doing something different if we feel that it ain't enough. When, where, and how we do it is up to us. What's most important is that we try, we keep trying, and then... we try again.

I'll Holla...

To comment or respond please click on the word comments at the bottom of this page, or email me at grace.calvin187@gmail.com

WE GOT THE HOOK UP

Isn't it amazing that we are all we can be, we have everything we need, yet in so many instances we feel that we've fallen short and/or been shortchanged. How many times, in the course of a day, do we look at ourselves and say things like: "I don't like the way I look". "Why won't he/she look at me more lovingly"?  "Did I do something wrong'?  "Why are they treating me like this"?  "I need a new pair of shoes".  "When am I gonna heave enough to do what I need to do"? Any of this sound familiar? Of course it does cause all of us, eight to eighty, blind, crippled, or crazy are  going through it each and every day. Why? Because we keep forgetting we got the hook up.

What's the hook up? It's the means available that enable you to attain whatever you need or desire. You had the desire to read or listen to this blog, so if you're doing so then you had to have the means available to you..i.e. you got the hook-up. How does that theory apply in other areas? Let's revisit our initial suppositions.

If I don't like the way I'm looking, and I don't think the object of my attention is giving me any rhythm.  If I don't have the money to get my 'do' done, and if I can't make somebody like or even look at me if they don't want to, then where's the hook? You've got to go in to find it my friend. If we're made in the image and likeness of the Creator, then the beauty is there. We just have to keep in mind that we're the ones concentrating on the zit, or the wrinkle, or the seemingly unkempt hair do. Everybody else is checking out our total countenance, and if we're not feeling good about ourselves then that's the image others are seeing. Not getting any rhythm? Maybe the person you're trying to get it from ain't got none to give right now. You don't know what they're going through at the moment, and they might just be afraid to give of themselves for fear of of not getting anything back.

Did you do something wrong? Naw. You could have done things a little bit differently, but if there was no malicious intent, then it wasn't wrong. If there was, you need to check yourself and do the best you can not to repeat that particular behavior. Why are others treating you in that manner? Because that's where they are right now. They're not able to accept where you are right now, and a lot of times envy is their reason for not being able to do so. Their seemingly negative treatment is actually an opportunity for us to meet them where they are, check to see if their treatment of us is similar to the way we've treated another, and then being about correcting our own future behavior.

Need a new pair of shoes and still waiting for your ship to come in? How well have you taken care of the one pair you already have? When was the last time you dusted them off, let alone put a little cream or polish on them. And what are you doing to bring that ship into port. What about that change in your purse or pocket, that 20 or 30 cents you can put in a jar every night. Might take a minute but if you do it long enough, you can get them shoes. I know thrift stores might not be your thing, but they are a means for acquiring your desire.

I know when I was shooting dope I'd wake up early in the morning and tell myself, "I don't know how I'm gonna do it right now, but one thing I do know... I'm gon get high today", and most of the time... I did. That's the hook up ya'll, knowing who you are and what you got. From dope fiend to guidance counselor, from homeless to heaven bound, we all got what it takes to get it done. Maybe you're not pleased with who you are right now, but be excited about you know you're capable of becoming and work on that. You might not have all you want right now, but be happy that you got all you need to get it. Maybe it won't come when you want it, but you have to keep in mind that things only come to us when we're ready to receive them. Just keep getting up, knowing that some how some way "I'm gonna make it through this day cause I got the hook-up".

I'll holla...

To comment or respond please click on the word comments at the bottom of this page, or email me at grace.calvin187@gmail.com

Real Women, What Ya'll Gon Do?

For those of you who know me and how I roll, this blog should come as no surprise. I wrote a blog week before last entitled 'Real Men, Where Ya'll At'? Being true to who I am, this is the sequel...'Real Women, What Ya'll Gon Do'?

Genesis 2:18 in the King James version of the Bible reads, 'And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him'. For me that statement implies that a real man cannot be of maximum benefit to others by himself. He needs a real woman who can meet them where he is. Not where she thinks he should be, or where she feels he's capable of being, but exactly where he is.

You see, most of us men are initially and primarily drawn to a woman by her physical attributes. Most women look at us from the perspective of what they feel we are capable of becoming. Not to say, in  either case, that other components don't factor in, but to point out that we approach our potential mate from different perspectives. Neither manner should be considered right or wrong. However ladies, if we're to 'meet' on common ground, you must take how we roll into consideration before expecting more from us than we’re capable of delivering. 

Now once  a woman sees a prospective mate, sizes him up, and makes a decision as to whether or not she willing to give him a chance, all this in a matter of seconds, the real challenge comes when she or the brother makes the move. In order for her to meet him where he's at, she must understand that to bat her eyes, hike her skirt, or put a little more wiggle in her walk is no longer necessary because he's already been enticed by her appearance. The key now is to allow her modesty to take charge, which does not mean playing hard to get but enabling him to see that not just anybody can get with her.

Later on, after some discretionary dating and some meaningful conversations, both of you are at a place where  things are getting serious. You haven't met the momma yet, but you're not sweating him, because you understand that he just ain't ready right now. You, as a woman, intuitively feel that the time is right. However, we men want to be sure that our willingness to commit is in conjunction with our mother believing that you're the one we should be committed to. Should we be so concerned with how our mother sees you? Maybe not, but after spending our childhood years with the woman who demonstrated an “I'm in charge because I know more about life than you do” attitude, we want to be able to prove to that woman (our mother) that we're right this time, so we don't want to make our move too soon.

So now, months later, the two of you have become an 'item', and a potentially life long commitment is on the horizon. The precarious question "Who you with?" needs an answer. If you've proactively researched and responded to his behavior, you should know now whether or not you're with a 'real man'. You should always keep in mind however, that what he does from time to time might not reflect that 'real man' status. His overall character might not transform, but at times your initial  concept of his potential might be substantially altered. Don't be alarmed however, because change is the only constant that exists. It's going to occur in him and in you, no matter what. So remain aware that your future happiness is contingent on how well you both adjust to the changes that will inevitably come about.

Being a 'real woman', you've already set the parameters for yourself that are conducive to  your mutual growth. You're still going to remain the modest and understanding woman he met for the very first time. You've committed to meeting him where he is, no matter where that might be, and you're humble and courageous enough to accept that what ever occurs between the two of you is not a matter of right or wrong, it's an opportunity to reassess who you both have become, and an opportune time for the reaching of a consensus on "Where do we go from here"? Always remember that being real mandates rigorous honesty, and if meeting him where he is, is not where you're willing to stay...let him know that, and give him ample time to change before you make a decision to go elsewhere.

Being real ain't easy, but it's simple. We complicate it by trying to please somebody else, in the hopes of making them all that we know they can be. That’s working from  a position of expectations that might not be met ya'll, and the more than likely result will be a big mess. Just do your best to be you, allow him the opportunity to be the best that he can be right now, and be willing to lend a hand when he falls short. The 'real men' are here somewhere 'real women'...what ya'll gon do when you either find them or realize you already have?

I'll holla... 

To comment or respond please click on the word comments at the bottom of this page, or email me at grace.calvin187@gmail.com