In 1986, after having shot dope for 18 years, I started eating Haagen Dazs ice cream almost every night until 2007, when I was informed that dairy products highly contributed to the mucous build up and ensuing colds that were occurring in my life, on a regular basis. Not realizing that the sugar content was also a major threat to my well being, I switched to a soy-based frozen dessert. Then I saw a documentary addressing the Monsanto monopoly on genetically modified soy beans, and substituted the soy variety for an almond-based product. In the meantime I had developed a chronic itching, the cause of which was not ascertained until I was diagnosed with cancer in January of this year, i.e. 2014. Mind you my figurative screaming for a frosty dessert every night was still strong, but I abstained from this frozen frenzy until my chemo treatments ended this past May. Since then I've indulged in a coconut based frozen dessert, probably about twice a month, and as I sit here having finished a pint of Almond Mocha Fudge...I'm feeling no remorse simply reflecting on the realization that I have an addictive behavior which stems from a fervent desire to feel good. What's ironic about all of this, is that I'm experiencing a significant degree of pleasure by sharing my situation with you.
I don't know what you do to feel good, and only you can determine if you do too much of it, but of one thing I am sure...moderation is the key for me when it comes to balancing the amount of pleasure I can experience without risking the onset of subsequential pain. There are many avenues available for meetng our desires to feel good, and food, sex, television, the internet, alcohol, significant others, religion, exercise, money, school, jobs, cigarettes, drugs (legal and otherwise), gambling, shopping for clothes, people pleasing, and acquiring attention and fame, are just a few. They are all potentially addictive pursuits however, that can ultimately lead us to possibly precarious positions. An overconsumption of heroin and sugar has significantly altered my physical condition, and has had a yet undocumented bearing on my mental and spiritual well- being. There are also a number of other addictive possibilities that I have indulged in, and that are still calling for my attention. I am aware however, that half the struggle in abstaining from, or moderating my participation in what I do, is the unconditional acceptance of my being prone to over-doing it.
Life is a wonderfully enlightening experience, and the understanding that we can take a disheartening situation, and alter it into a beneficial opportunity, is part and parcel of what makes the world go round. Constantly reminding ourselves that we can take life's lemons and make lemonade, will enhance our capabilities for turning the bitter into the sweet. It goes without saying that we have all over indulged in one thing or another, and that we continue to do so on a regular basis. It's also quite obvious that many of us know we are about to involve ourselves in something that is going to cause us harm, yet we do it anyway. Comments like..."Yea, I know I'm diabetic..but", or "My blood pressure ain't that high today...so", or "My money's funny but... ", or even "They're haters and just don't want me to..." These are all feeble attempts to justify doing what we know is going to cause us harm, and all the time we are aware that the end result is going to be accompanied by intense feelings of guilt and remorse. The upside however, is that we can objectively share our problematic outcomes with someone else, ask them how they address similar situations, and collaboratively devise a means for altering or moderating our behavior.
I've overdosed on heroin a few times and by the Grace of God, I'm still here. I've inadvertently abused my mind and body through other means, and have consequently been told that I had a maximum of six months to live if I didn't get a minimum of six chemotherapy treatments. I was then told, after having not received the sixth treatment, that I could have died had I done so. God's Grace has kept me here, and it is by this same Grace that I am able to channel some of my addictive behavior into hosting a radio show and writing these blogs for you. Granted, I'm still doing stuff that isn't always in my best interest, but the more I focus on doing stuff for others, the better I feel about me. The pleasure I selfishly sought for myself, is exponentially intensified by seeking it for someone else. That's where I am right now ya'll..still screaming but not so loud.
I'll holla...
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