Real Men...Where Ya'll At

He's my rock!! My superman (after God of course) He loves me unconditionally even when I don't deserve it...

By: LaToya Flowers-Simps

It's been a minute that I've been intending to write something of this nature, and I just want to thank LaToya and Ricky (cited caption) for providing an example of what I want to talk about. My congrats to those of us like Ricky, who are serious about being 'real men', and are not necessarily trying to act in the way that we think other people say we should. Our every day struggle to be real is influenced by the mores and values of a society that depicts manhood as a hard, independent, no-nonsense state of being. For too long we have been afraid to display our emotions, admit our shortcomings, or give in to what we see as the demands of our significant other. And now, with the advent of an acceptable open gender society, we certainly don't want 'ot seem 'gay'. So strive we must, it seems, to be the man who might not be real, but is nevertheless the man we believe others want us to be.

What, you might ask, is a real man. We'll let's start with what he is not. A real man is not fearful of being 'found out', because most of his time is spent being honest with those around him, and especially with himself . He is not concerned with how others see him, because he is too busy trying to improve by giving more and expecting less. He is not displaying the fabricated images of who he wants us to think he can be, but he's sharing his gifts with us so that we will know exactly who he is. A real man is not dressing and finessing for the express intent of pleasing others, he's doing it because that's how he rolls.

What a real man is consists of responsibility and accountability, compassion and empathy. These traits are not predicated on what he's supposed to do, but are driven by the LOVE he has for others.
He takes care of his children because he wants to and not because his baby's momma is 'sweatin' him to do so. He discusses with rather than hollas at his significant other, because he cherishes her input and support, and is not overly concerned with her submission. A real man wants his loved ones to know where he's going, so they don't have to be shocked when learning from another where's he's been. He cares about how others feel, and thereby directs his conversations and actions from the perspective of treating another in the way he would like to be treated. A real man does what he does without expectations because as LaToya asserts about her man..."He loves me unconditionally...even when I don't deserve it."

Is it easy being a 'real man'? 'Hell to the naw'. You see when we interact with others we have to deal with their issues, in addition to our own, and all at the same time. Then we are so prone to living from the bogus whims of outside influences, and the incessant whimpering of a damaged ego, that we sometimes we start acting like emotionally charged children rather than God-Inspired men. Our conceptions of what a man is did not start when we reached 21, but began with our first exposure to misconstrued information and societal propaganda. A 12 year old male once asked me if I had ever killed a man. When I inquired as to why, he said with conviction..."Cause you ain't a real man until you do." He'd never heard the real definition of manhood ya'll, and he lived in a media-charged society that promoted and glamorized violence. It's hard being a real man when all you have to work with is false information appearing real, but it's definitely doable if we have genuine examples at our disposal. It is my contention that we must become real, if we aren't already, because our future depends on showing our progeny what it looks like.

There's a basic formula for acquiring and maintaining this 'real man' status, and it's simply doing our best to remain strong and sensitive. Be strong in your conviction to be real, by simply being sensitive and responsive to the needs of those around you. That's it that's all ya'll... and Ricky and myself welcome you to the club of those who are giving it our best shot.

I'll holla...

To comment or respond please click on the word comments at the bottom of this page, or email me at grace.calvin187@gmail.com