Real Women, What Ya'll Gon Do?

For those of you who know me and how I roll, this blog should come as no surprise. I wrote a blog week before last entitled 'Real Men, Where Ya'll At'? Being true to who I am, this is the sequel...'Real Women, What Ya'll Gon Do'?

Genesis 2:18 in the King James version of the Bible reads, 'And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him'. For me that statement implies that a real man cannot be of maximum benefit to others by himself. He needs a real woman who can meet them where he is. Not where she thinks he should be, or where she feels he's capable of being, but exactly where he is.

You see, most of us men are initially and primarily drawn to a woman by her physical attributes. Most women look at us from the perspective of what they feel we are capable of becoming. Not to say, in  either case, that other components don't factor in, but to point out that we approach our potential mate from different perspectives. Neither manner should be considered right or wrong. However ladies, if we're to 'meet' on common ground, you must take how we roll into consideration before expecting more from us than we’re capable of delivering. 

Now once  a woman sees a prospective mate, sizes him up, and makes a decision as to whether or not she willing to give him a chance, all this in a matter of seconds, the real challenge comes when she or the brother makes the move. In order for her to meet him where he's at, she must understand that to bat her eyes, hike her skirt, or put a little more wiggle in her walk is no longer necessary because he's already been enticed by her appearance. The key now is to allow her modesty to take charge, which does not mean playing hard to get but enabling him to see that not just anybody can get with her.

Later on, after some discretionary dating and some meaningful conversations, both of you are at a place where  things are getting serious. You haven't met the momma yet, but you're not sweating him, because you understand that he just ain't ready right now. You, as a woman, intuitively feel that the time is right. However, we men want to be sure that our willingness to commit is in conjunction with our mother believing that you're the one we should be committed to. Should we be so concerned with how our mother sees you? Maybe not, but after spending our childhood years with the woman who demonstrated an “I'm in charge because I know more about life than you do” attitude, we want to be able to prove to that woman (our mother) that we're right this time, so we don't want to make our move too soon.

So now, months later, the two of you have become an 'item', and a potentially life long commitment is on the horizon. The precarious question "Who you with?" needs an answer. If you've proactively researched and responded to his behavior, you should know now whether or not you're with a 'real man'. You should always keep in mind however, that what he does from time to time might not reflect that 'real man' status. His overall character might not transform, but at times your initial  concept of his potential might be substantially altered. Don't be alarmed however, because change is the only constant that exists. It's going to occur in him and in you, no matter what. So remain aware that your future happiness is contingent on how well you both adjust to the changes that will inevitably come about.

Being a 'real woman', you've already set the parameters for yourself that are conducive to  your mutual growth. You're still going to remain the modest and understanding woman he met for the very first time. You've committed to meeting him where he is, no matter where that might be, and you're humble and courageous enough to accept that what ever occurs between the two of you is not a matter of right or wrong, it's an opportunity to reassess who you both have become, and an opportune time for the reaching of a consensus on "Where do we go from here"? Always remember that being real mandates rigorous honesty, and if meeting him where he is, is not where you're willing to stay...let him know that, and give him ample time to change before you make a decision to go elsewhere.

Being real ain't easy, but it's simple. We complicate it by trying to please somebody else, in the hopes of making them all that we know they can be. That’s working from  a position of expectations that might not be met ya'll, and the more than likely result will be a big mess. Just do your best to be you, allow him the opportunity to be the best that he can be right now, and be willing to lend a hand when he falls short. The 'real men' are here somewhere 'real women'...what ya'll gon do when you either find them or realize you already have?

I'll holla... 

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