The Transition Is Now

There’s an adage that invokes the belief that ‘time is of the essence.' For me what we do right now is all that really matters because essentially, right now is all we have. What we consider as time gone past or future time is merely a reflection of what we think we’ve already done, or a mental precursor to what we think we’re about to do. Even the transition from this world to the next is not about time, but about what we are doing at that moment, and how we’re feeling about what is taking place.

My being present during the illness of a friend put all this in perspective for me, and I’d like to share with you the essence of this experience, using time only as a point of reference. My friend was rushed to the hospital on New Year’s Eve of 2011, and subsequently diagnosed with a colon blockage. He was operated on, the aftermath of which led to double pneumonia, urinary tract infection, and other correlative dysfunctions. Later on a tracheotomy was performed to assist him in his breathing, a tube inserted into his stomach because his ability to swallow was compromised, and a barrage of antibiotics and medications were administered to hopefully aid his body in the healing process. It was evident that his stay would be infused with difficulty, and his family, myself and even the doctors were doubtful, to say the least, that a recovery would take place. The matter of time was what was uppermost in our consciousness, but as it seemed to pass by ever so slowly, it became obvious that my friend was totally focused on right now, and we soon realized that right now...he was not ready to die. 

By late February my friend had recovered enough to be moved from the hospital to an acute care facility where he acknowledged that he had indeed experienced an encounter with death and had resolved that he was not yet ready to go. His determination, resilience and perseverance led to a remarkable recovery and another recuperative transfer to a skilled nursing facility in mid May. At this point, the only obstacle that kept him from moving in with his daughter’s family was getting to the point where he was able to orally ingest his food. Although I was physically present during his four-hour hiatus from the facility on May 28, I cannot aptly express the joy displayed during the visit to his daughter’s home, and how that ‘right now’ was unmistakably one of his life’s highest points.

I don’t see change as better or worse but as an opportunity for us to possibly alter our attitude and/or behavior.  An unforeseen change took place on June 4, and my friend was rushed to the hospital again. Barely able to breathe he was adamant about his disagreement with the doctor’s prognosis. “He said I’m going to be in this hospital for two weeks " he told his daughter, son and I. “You all get together and let him know that I’m getting out of here in three days cause I’m not going through this again.” It’s now three days later, Thursday June 7, 2012, and his condition has plummeted to the point where a steady flow of life sustaining medication is the only option. Everyone agreed that his life is all about right now and it’s evident that living like this is not what Dad wants. His daughter, two sons, granddaughter and myself are at his bedside not conscious of the time, not concerned about how long he has, but caught up in the present. A change of magnanimous proportion has occurred, and we see it as an opportunity to go with the flow, adjusting our attitude and resolve to make things as comfortable as possible for all involved.

Before his transition everyone at his bedside heard my friend's youngest son proclaim that he had believed from the time he was about three years of age, that he was his father’s least favorite son. He based this assumption on the time during his parent’s two-year separation when his father came to the mother’s home, took the older brother to live with him, and left the younger brother behind. Here it is fifty years later and he is still experiencing a sense of abandonment. Fortunately his older brother set the story straight by letting him know that their father picked him up just for the summer, and that the only reason for the younger brother's staying behind was the parent’s agreeing that he was too young to leave his mother for such an extended period. I then remembered my friend having shared that he thought he was his younger son’s least favorite parent, and cannot help but believe that he heard the entire conversation. The younger son was visibly elated and relieved by his brother's explanation, and as my friend exhaled that last breath and a sense of completion and contentment enveloped his very being, I know that he was relieved and elated as well. There's no telling how both their lives and their relationships might have been improved had that conversation taken place when the son was a child.

Everyone present was completely moved by this pensive yet strangely exhilarating experience, and I feel compelled to share it because it so aptly illustrates the importance of the now. It doesn’t really matter what time it is, what matters is what we do with it. It’s all about the present and it's important to remember that every moment we have is a present from God and what we do with that moment is our present to God. How grateful I am to have witnessed that there’s no telling how the changes that occur in our lives might unfold, and how fortunate I feel that lives can be made better as a result of transition/change. Who can foretell the amount of joy that can be experienced if we teach our children, and demonstrate to others, the possible benefits inherent in sharing our now right now rather than later.

Thank you my friend and family for allowing me to see your lives unfold and for giving me the opportunity to truly understand and appreciate the ‘right now moment.’

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