Baby Mamas, Delinquent Dads and Bad Ass Kids

Since I stopped getting high in 1986, I've had the privilege of seeing my mother every Mother's Day until the one celebrated this past Sunday. I am so proud and appreciative of my nephew Brandon, on the other hand, who took advantage of that day to take his wife, mother, and grandmother (my mother) to dinner at the same time. My wife Nicole, on the other hand, hasn't seen her mother since her transition in 1983, and it was comforting for both of us to be able to share a phone call with Mama Gantt in celebration of this special day. It was also very uplifting to participate in the love and appreciation that abounded when daughter Aaya presented that beautiful floral bouquet to her mama Nicole. Spending time outside afterwards, and witnessing all the mothers, young and old, proudly strutting their motherhood in big hats matching bags and shoes, did nothing less than bring unheralded joy to the beholders.

These thoughts bring me to another pre-apportioned day in June, namely Father's Day, when we specifically notice how many dads are with their children on this day in particular. We also pause at some time during that day, to consider the babies who don't get an opportunity to see their father at that time, and somehow sense that their pain is intensified in comparison to the hurt experienced during all the other days of the year. Nonetheless it does our hearts good to see the love expressed by a father for his child, and prompts us to remember and cherish the knowledge that family is the most important entity on the planet.

I love that mother and father's day are celebrated, and am sure that most of us wouldn't mind if they set a couple of Mondays aside to commemorate those 2 days. What I'm suggesting however, is that we give at least half as much attention to the positive aspects of family, on the other 363 days. When family values are discussed, let's minimize our conversations about Baby Mama Drama, Delinquent Dad Dilemma, and these Bad Ass Kids. Of course there are some mothers who focus too much on the father not being present and not enough on themselves and the child. More importantly however, these same mothers cannot help but ask themselves, on a regular basis, why their child is limited to a one parent household and what it is they can do to make things better. Let's honor all mothers by assuring them that we know they're doing the best they can with what they have to work with, and comforting them with the resolve that things will get better. There are fathers who are either claiming that the child is not theirs, or concentrating on other outlets that give them temporary relief from the anguish of their irresponsibility. We must acknowledge nonetheless, that no matter how hard they try to suppress it, the question inevitably  arises in each of their minds, on a regular basis, "Am I all the man that I'm capable of being?'  Let's remember  that "to err is human, to forgive divine" and work from that perspective when talking to the so called delinquent dad. That frame of consciousness, in and of itself, will cause him to take a different look at himself, and to reassess his role in the greater scheme of things. Those bad ass kids? They are just curious as to why we're always sweating them to accomplish more. From their perspective we, when younger, evidently didn't concentrate much on making the world a better place. because if we had, it wouldn't be in the condition it's in now. Let's face it, we either knew or were one of those bad ass kids, back in the day, so let's reminisce when talking to our children, and see what in addition to patience and understanding might have changed the course of our lives for the better, and incorporate those same ideas and thoughts into our conversation.

Hey ya'll, let's start loving and appreciating each other more by realizing that family is not just blood-related but universal. Family Day is every day so there's cause for communicative celebration on a daily basis. Let's stop looking at how it could or should be better, and start considering what we're going to do to make it better. Let's remember that all it takes is a shift in consciousness. Once we see things differently, they become different. Let's look at assets rather than liabilities and recognize that every member has something to contribute. Let's look for that attribute in each one with whom we come in contact, help them to recognize that attribute, and prompt and support them in their attempts to make it manifest  in their every day experience. We can then transcend the limitation of a one day celebration, and enter the realm of every day being a celebration because of our individual and concerted efforts to make it that way.

I'm reminded of some lyrics attributed to Robert Lamm and recorded in 1972 by the band 'Chicago'. It refers to another holiday, but aptly illustrates the message I wish to convey.

"Another day in the park, 

You'd think it was the Fourth of July.

  People dancing, really smiling, 

  A man playing guitar, Singing for us all.

  Will you help him change the world?

Can you dig it (yes I can)

And I've been waiting such a long time...

  Funny days in the park

 Every day's the fourth of July." 

Ya feel Me? Then let's designate each and every day as an opportunity to honor and celebrate one another, while unleashing universal joy in the process.




Feel free to respond by clicking the comments link or emailing me at grace.calvin187@gmail.com